Tuesday, May 31, 2005
FHM 1995 No. 91
Tara Fitzgerald at number 91. Is it just me or does this woman look remarkably like Kate Beckinsale?
FHM 1995 No. 94
I think it's impossible to find a flattering picture of this woman. Enough said. In at number 94, it's Jenny Powell.
FHM 1995 No. 95
I'm gonna kill two birds with one stone and post a picture of one of my favourite actors, Bruce Willis, along with FHMs number 95, Cybill Shepherd.
Joke
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says,
“Hi there, good looking, how’s it going? “
Having already had a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,
"Listen! I’ll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat ass love it."
Eyes now wide with interest he says,
"No kidding, I’m a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
“Hi there, good looking, how’s it going? “
Having already had a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,
"Listen! I’ll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat ass love it."
Eyes now wide with interest he says,
"No kidding, I’m a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Lindsay Lohan update
This is a recent photo of Lindsay Lohan. I think she looks worse than the last photo I posted of her. How anybody can say she looks better now is beyond me. Women are supposed to have curves! Check out The Superficial for all kinds of celebrity news.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Joke
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
Friday, May 27, 2005
Joke
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box."
Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box."
Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
FHM 1995 No. 98
This is Karren Brady at number 98 and she is almost impossible to find a picture of!
FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World 1995
I have decided to post a list of who FHM readers thought to be the 100 sexiest women in the world in 1995. But instead of just posting the list in one go, I'm going to add pictures and just do a few at a time. So here goes.....at number 100 we have Tia Carrere.
Joke
One day a man came home from work and told his wife,
"Hon, I had the urge to put my thing in the pickle slicer."
"Oh, my God, you should get some help!" his wife said.
The next day he came home.
"Hon, I had that urge again!"
"That's it! After work tomorrow, I'm taking you to a doctor!"
The third day he came home all depressed and said,
"Hon, I finally did it."
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"They fired me - and the pickle slicer."
"Hon, I had the urge to put my thing in the pickle slicer."
"Oh, my God, you should get some help!" his wife said.
The next day he came home.
"Hon, I had that urge again!"
"That's it! After work tomorrow, I'm taking you to a doctor!"
The third day he came home all depressed and said,
"Hon, I finally did it."
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"They fired me - and the pickle slicer."
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
How To Stay Young
1. Throw out nonessential numbers - This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends - The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning - Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often ... long and loud - Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen - Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love - whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health - If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips - Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them - at every opportunity
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
2. Keep only cheerful friends - The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning - Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often ... long and loud - Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen - Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love - whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health - If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips - Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them - at every opportunity
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Joke
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands....
On their wedding night she told her new husband
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom "how can you still be a virgin if you've been married 10 times before?"
"Well husband number 1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband number 2 was in software support, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband number 3 was from Field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband number 4 was in telemarketing, even though he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband number 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the art method.
Husband number 6 was from Finance and Administration, He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband number 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband number 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband number 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband number 10 was a stamp collector , all he ever did was lick it...God I miss him....
But now I've married you , I'M SO EXCITED.........."
"Good" said the husband " but why?"
"You're a Tax man. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
On their wedding night she told her new husband
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom "how can you still be a virgin if you've been married 10 times before?"
"Well husband number 1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband number 2 was in software support, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband number 3 was from Field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband number 4 was in telemarketing, even though he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband number 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the art method.
Husband number 6 was from Finance and Administration, He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband number 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband number 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband number 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband number 10 was a stamp collector , all he ever did was lick it...God I miss him....
But now I've married you , I'M SO EXCITED.........."
"Good" said the husband " but why?"
"You're a Tax man. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Joke
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman".
She began going door to door and walked up to a large home, knocked on the door and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW."
She began going door to door and walked up to a large home, knocked on the door and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW."
Joke
A married couple were in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said,
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Friday, May 20, 2005
Joke
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said,
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
Evangeline Lilly
Again, I don't know who this girl is, but people keep searching for 'Evangeline Lilly naked'. I believe she's number 75 in US FHM 100 sexiest women. Unfortunately, I'm not gonna post a naked pic, cause I like this one. It's sexy.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Protect Yourself
When I first saw this photo, I cringed. It doesn't bare thinking about. I HATE spiders.
Leeann Tweeden Topless
Aparently, this gal is is very popular. I get lots of hits from people searching for 'Leeann Tweeden naked' This is about as close to naked as I can find. I can't see the big attraction, but she's number 14 in this years US FHM top 100 sexiest women. Here she is......Leeann Tweeden topless, and showing off her ass.
West Belfast Style
Paddy from the Falls Road in Belfast goes into a brothel in Amsterdam and finds himself a prostitute. He asks her,
"How much do you charge for the hour?"
"£100," she replies.
So he asks,
"Okay do you do West Belfast style?"
She says "No!"
He then asks her,
"I'll pay you £200 to do it West Belfast style?"
She again says no, not knowing what West Belfast style was!
So he then offers her £300. Again she declines his offer. So finally he says,
"I'll give you £500 to go West Belfast style with me!"
Finally she agrees thinking, 'Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could West Belfast style be?'
So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,
"That was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'West Belfast style' come in?"
Paddy replies . . .
"I'll pay you next week"
"How much do you charge for the hour?"
"£100," she replies.
So he asks,
"Okay do you do West Belfast style?"
She says "No!"
He then asks her,
"I'll pay you £200 to do it West Belfast style?"
She again says no, not knowing what West Belfast style was!
So he then offers her £300. Again she declines his offer. So finally he says,
"I'll give you £500 to go West Belfast style with me!"
Finally she agrees thinking, 'Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could West Belfast style be?'
So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,
"That was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'West Belfast style' come in?"
Paddy replies . . .
"I'll pay you next week"
Joke
An Irish daughter had not been to her home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her;
" Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"
The girl, crying, replied,
"Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"
"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it you said you had become?"
Girl, crying again,
"Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"
"Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!
" Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"
The girl, crying, replied,
"Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"
"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it you said you had become?"
Girl, crying again,
"Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"
"Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Emma Frost
I never read the comic, so I don't know who or what she is. All I do know is she's called Emma Frost and I like her cause she has big fake boobs!
Joke
One day a wife is home alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy,
"Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies,
"No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says
"You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says
"That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him,
"You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says,
"Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?
She opens it to a guy,
"Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies,
"No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says
"You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says
"That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him,
"You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says,
"Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Men are like...
1. Men are like...laxatives...They irritate the shit out of you.
2. Men are like...bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like...weather...Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like...blenders...You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like...chocolate bars...Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like...commercials...You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like...department stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like...government bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like...mascara...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like...popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like...snowstorms...You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like...lava lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.
2. Men are like...bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like...weather...Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like...blenders...You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like...chocolate bars...Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like...commercials...You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like...department stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like...government bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like...mascara...They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like...popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like...snowstorms...You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like...lava lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Lindsay Lohan
Here's a pic of Lindsay Lohan the way she used to look. Wouldn't you agree that she is much more attractive like this?
Lindsay Lohan & Nicole Ritchie
To think Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie used to look normal!! I'm sure these dresses are supposed to look beautiful, but instead they look drab and cheap. It seems these girls became obsessed with their weight and didn't know where to draw the line. Take my advise girlies and go eat some junk, you looked a lot better before the weight loss!!
Tuesday's Joke
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this BIG African American guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says
" 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says
"What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What exactly did you say to me?"
The big dude says,
"I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says
"Turner Brown? Thank God !! I thought you said 'Turn around'"
" 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says
"What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says,
"What exactly did you say to me?"
The big dude says,
"I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says
"Turner Brown? Thank God !! I thought you said 'Turn around'"
Monday, May 16, 2005
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Here's another joke
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says
"But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says
"Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him
"BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well."
so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
"See honey - its not that hard."
"But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says
"Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him
"BUT, they are sperm samples???"
"DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well."
so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
"See honey - its not that hard."
Saturday's Joke
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says,
"Put those on."
The bride replies,
"I can't wear your trousers."
He replies,
"And don't forget that! I will always wear the trousers in this family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request,
"Try those on!"
He replies,
"I can't get into your knickers!"
The bride says,
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says,
"Put those on."
The bride replies,
"I can't wear your trousers."
He replies,
"And don't forget that! I will always wear the trousers in this family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request,
"Try those on!"
He replies,
"I can't get into your knickers!"
The bride says,
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Thursday's Joke
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks,
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,
"Here, iron this!".
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks,
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,
"Here, iron this!".
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Wednesday's Joke
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her,
"If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her,
"You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will Flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that you women never listen
"If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her,
"You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will Flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that you women never listen
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tuesday's Joke
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.
The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."
The driver pleaded with him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.
The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."
Monday, May 09, 2005
Monday's Joke
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
wIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - -
HUSBAND: "Blast"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
wIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - -
HUSBAND: "Blast"
Saturday, May 07, 2005
After watching The Punisher a few nights ago I realised how alike Thomas Jane and Christopher Lambert are. This is Thomas Jane. See for yourself....
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Michelle Pfeiffer
After watching Halle Berry's version of Catwoman, I was inspired to post a picture of Michelle Pfeiffer. I came across this one. I think it's its great! Maybe I'll post one of Michelle as catwoman too.
Why condoms are packed 3, 6, 12 to a box.
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers.
"Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied
"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers.
"Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied
"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Dolphins Illusion
Can you see the dolphins? I can't!! Please explain where they are because I've been studying this for ages and I just can not see them.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Jessica Rabbit Vs Heidi Klum Vs Angelina Jolie
Who do you prefer?
Just incase you can't reamember what Jessica Rabbit looks like...
Just incase you can't reamember what Jessica Rabbit looks like...
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