Wednesday, May 25, 2005
FHM 1995 No. 98
This is Karren Brady at number 98 and she is almost impossible to find a picture of!
FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World 1995
I have decided to post a list of who FHM readers thought to be the 100 sexiest women in the world in 1995. But instead of just posting the list in one go, I'm going to add pictures and just do a few at a time. So here goes.....at number 100 we have Tia Carrere.
Joke
One day a man came home from work and told his wife,
"Hon, I had the urge to put my thing in the pickle slicer."
"Oh, my God, you should get some help!" his wife said.
The next day he came home.
"Hon, I had that urge again!"
"That's it! After work tomorrow, I'm taking you to a doctor!"
The third day he came home all depressed and said,
"Hon, I finally did it."
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"They fired me - and the pickle slicer."
"Hon, I had the urge to put my thing in the pickle slicer."
"Oh, my God, you should get some help!" his wife said.
The next day he came home.
"Hon, I had that urge again!"
"That's it! After work tomorrow, I'm taking you to a doctor!"
The third day he came home all depressed and said,
"Hon, I finally did it."
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"They fired me - and the pickle slicer."
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
How To Stay Young
1. Throw out nonessential numbers - This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends - The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning - Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often ... long and loud - Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen - Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love - whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health - If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips - Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them - at every opportunity
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
2. Keep only cheerful friends - The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning - Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often ... long and loud - Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen - Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love - whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health - If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips - Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them - at every opportunity
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Joke
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands....
On their wedding night she told her new husband
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom "how can you still be a virgin if you've been married 10 times before?"
"Well husband number 1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband number 2 was in software support, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband number 3 was from Field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband number 4 was in telemarketing, even though he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband number 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the art method.
Husband number 6 was from Finance and Administration, He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband number 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband number 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband number 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband number 10 was a stamp collector , all he ever did was lick it...God I miss him....
But now I've married you , I'M SO EXCITED.........."
"Good" said the husband " but why?"
"You're a Tax man. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
On their wedding night she told her new husband
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom "how can you still be a virgin if you've been married 10 times before?"
"Well husband number 1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband number 2 was in software support, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband number 3 was from Field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband number 4 was in telemarketing, even though he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband number 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the art method.
Husband number 6 was from Finance and Administration, He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband number 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband number 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband number 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband number 10 was a stamp collector , all he ever did was lick it...God I miss him....
But now I've married you , I'M SO EXCITED.........."
"Good" said the husband " but why?"
"You're a Tax man. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Joke
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman".
She began going door to door and walked up to a large home, knocked on the door and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW."
She began going door to door and walked up to a large home, knocked on the door and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW."
Joke
A married couple were in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said,
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Friday, May 20, 2005
Joke
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said,
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
Evangeline Lilly
Again, I don't know who this girl is, but people keep searching for 'Evangeline Lilly naked'. I believe she's number 75 in US FHM 100 sexiest women. Unfortunately, I'm not gonna post a naked pic, cause I like this one. It's sexy.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
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