Friday, April 22, 2005
Bodyscapes
Go visit bodyscapes. This guy is amazing. He photographs naked men and women, using their bodies as landscapes for little figures. It's fun!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Breaststroke
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the
''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.''
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Little Johnny
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother,
"Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said,
"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story,
"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
"Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said,
"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story,
"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her gandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrfied, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "he'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrfied, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "he'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Monday, April 18, 2005
Matilda
This is Matilda, she turns one next month. This photo is a couple of months old, she's changed a lot since it was taken.
George
Not much to blog about, so I thought I would post a couple of pics of my daughters. This is George, she'll be turning three soon, I took this photo of her a few weeks back when we went to the Lake District in England for a weekend. Isn't she adorable?!
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Ever Wonder
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
....why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
....why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
White Tiger
I must admit I have a thing for white tigers. I just want to reach out and cuddle it! I'll have to find some pics of Tions and Ligers to add here too.
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